Getting babied up, and how to include the sibling?!

Well, I finally think I am out of the denial phase of the pregnancy...where I had just thought 'no, this isn't happening again....'

Dare I say it...I begin to get a little bit excited....at week 32! ;) Well, I like to take things slowly!

We haven't bought much at all for this baby, having been fully organised with Reuben! Its all gone by so quickly....but yesterday whilst shopping for Reuben's treat for being such a pro with the potty training (all done in 6 days!) we also decided to get a couple of brightly coloured and squeaky things for the littleun :) Seeing this as a good opportunity to involve Reuben I ask him which toy he thinks 'baby in the tummy' would like? He proceeds to point, rather begrudingly... 'that one!'  he says quite stroppily, really wanting to go and play with the dinosaurs instead! We enthuse that can be his present for the baby....not that he is bothered! ;)

Grandparents have quite kindly bought little pieces of clothing, I have some unisex ones left over from Reuben that I have kept. Decided to sort all of these out today to look through and coo now I only have 8 (ish!) weeks left! Again, showing Reuben the baby clothes and explaining how he will 'be a fantastic big brother' and how he can help Mummy with all the important jobs like 'bathing the baby, putting nappy on baby and playing with the baby and making sure there is plenty of cuddles!'  Reuben looks at me and says ' I can show baby the cars!'   A typical boy, he is totally in love with his cars so I see this as something really sweet and important he is offering to the baby!
So I reply ' The baby would love to see your cars!'

So I have clothes organised and now we have a vague hint of Summer (hoorah) I plan to wash them...and watch them flapping about on the line is the sun :) they are all so small....I stumbled across Reuben's first outfit....can't work out whether to smile or cry really, for so many reasons. It reminds me of a time I felt pure joy at my beautiful baby, pure sadness at his arrival, physically and emotionally a wreck. I also remember it was a little big for him...but he was huge when born!?!?! I can't believe he ever fit into anything so tiny!

Reuben has always had a best friend....a snuggly bear/blanket which he calls 'Teddy'....we have a similar one and I asked Reuben today would he like to give it to the new baby, seems he loves his Teddy so much....he has agreed to give this to the baby as a present....I think ;)

We have also been reading some baby/birth children's books to try and get him a little prepared, and he seems to enjoy reading these. I know he is only coming up for 2.5 years old, but sometimes it can be hard enough for me to get my head around the fact that there is a new baby coming! I just don't want the baby turning up (yes, its that easy) and Reuben thinking 'Woah, no one ever told me about this!'

I am also, and normally so I suppose, anxious that Reuben is not left out....he is still very much my baby and the thought of him feeling that way makes me want to cry! I suppose thats why I am trying so much now to lay the ground work for the changes that are around the corner. Its hard though...I am also aware that I don't want everything he hears and does for the next 8 weeks to be 'about the baby'. 

Truthfully, what I expect is, jealousy in the beginning...but everyone is under strict instructions to come and make a fuss of Reuben just as always, and not to wonder straight over to the baby. I have also set aside a week when baby is born that is just ours as a family of 4, trying to bond and settle. After this period of us all getting to know each other I think he will be a fantastic Brother....caring, considerate, if anything a bit over possessive of the new baby! Yes, I think he will be brilliant, just as he continues to be a rather amazing, gorgeous Son :)

Any tips, welcome followers! xxx

Celebrating Pregnancy....some pictures I have taken along the way!

Welcome!

Hi!
I suppose your wondering what this is all about, to tell you the truth, so am I!  I have no idea why I decided to start a blog about my pregnancy and birth.....perhaps it's cathertic for me, because as much as I loathe that word, I have been on a journey in this pregnancy.

That journey probably started long before the blue line ever appeared....when I became a Doula probably (2010) A what? A Doula; a professional birth companion who supports a woman emotionally and practically during pregnancy and labour. During my training I saw birth in a whole new light...something that could be wholesome, natural, normal, devoid of fear. This notion got lost for me somewhere in the bleeps of the monitors, during the ticking of the clock in my four day labour, in the drug-induced haze, and ultimately in the c-section that made me feel like a passive observer at my own birthing.

Now I know many people will be thinking 'Stop moaning, you have a healthy child!'   and sadly that has been the reaction of most of the people who I have tried to share my feelings with about my Sons birth. Yes, I am incredibly grateful that I have had this blessing of a beautiful, healthy, intelligent and happy little child come into my life. But I would argue that is not the be all and end all of it.

The birth of my first baby (after a heartbreaking previous miscarriage) was supposed to be a peaceful waterbirth. Was I scared? Absolutely. I had never done this before....but if there was any way to do it, surely this was it for me? 

This time around is different.....I know more, I feel more, I deserve more. I have invested wholeheartedly.....time, money, hope, love, tears, sadness, happiness into this birth journey. Am I guaranteed a success then? No.  Hense the title.... a hopeful vbac'er.  This is not to say I don't believe that I can do it, it's not to say I don't want it.....its saying 'Give me time'. Give me time to get confident, give me time to be birth ready, give me time to get used to the idea that in terms of preparing and investing in this birth that I have truly done everything I can....and the rest is just destiny.

.... I am getting there..... thanks for supporting me xx