Welcome!

Hi!
I suppose your wondering what this is all about, to tell you the truth, so am I!  I have no idea why I decided to start a blog about my pregnancy and birth.....perhaps it's cathertic for me, because as much as I loathe that word, I have been on a journey in this pregnancy.

That journey probably started long before the blue line ever appeared....when I became a Doula probably (2010) A what? A Doula; a professional birth companion who supports a woman emotionally and practically during pregnancy and labour. During my training I saw birth in a whole new light...something that could be wholesome, natural, normal, devoid of fear. This notion got lost for me somewhere in the bleeps of the monitors, during the ticking of the clock in my four day labour, in the drug-induced haze, and ultimately in the c-section that made me feel like a passive observer at my own birthing.

Now I know many people will be thinking 'Stop moaning, you have a healthy child!'   and sadly that has been the reaction of most of the people who I have tried to share my feelings with about my Sons birth. Yes, I am incredibly grateful that I have had this blessing of a beautiful, healthy, intelligent and happy little child come into my life. But I would argue that is not the be all and end all of it.

The birth of my first baby (after a heartbreaking previous miscarriage) was supposed to be a peaceful waterbirth. Was I scared? Absolutely. I had never done this before....but if there was any way to do it, surely this was it for me? 

This time around is different.....I know more, I feel more, I deserve more. I have invested wholeheartedly.....time, money, hope, love, tears, sadness, happiness into this birth journey. Am I guaranteed a success then? No.  Hense the title.... a hopeful vbac'er.  This is not to say I don't believe that I can do it, it's not to say I don't want it.....its saying 'Give me time'. Give me time to get confident, give me time to be birth ready, give me time to get used to the idea that in terms of preparing and investing in this birth that I have truly done everything I can....and the rest is just destiny.

.... I am getting there..... thanks for supporting me xx